you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
