I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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