My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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