You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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