Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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