he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
