I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
