A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
