i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
