Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
