I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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