yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
