dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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