My room smells like vodka and shame
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
