She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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