I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
