Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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