You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Come see our sink grown plant.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
