youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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