Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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