After last night, I could never be a politician.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
