So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
