we're chasing vodka with high fives
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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