I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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