What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
