Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
