I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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