Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
