Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
