I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
