How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
