Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
