I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
