Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
