fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
