sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Bring me that man meat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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