I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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