Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
