fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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