and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
