she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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