Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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