you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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