Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
