I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
