Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
