Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
