Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
