winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
