So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
