If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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