He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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