gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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