when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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