I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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