you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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