Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
