She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
