He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
