He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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