Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
