Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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