I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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