Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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