There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Never joke about your clitoris.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
