I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
