Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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