after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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