I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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