She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
