It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
