it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
