oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
