Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cut my penus on the lid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
