nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The ass gains better be worth it
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