Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
